I'm a psych major, and while learning about the different perspectives and theories of psychology, I always go back to the Word of God to apply a Biblical Truth. I recently had to do research on operant conditioning and the effects of punishment versus positive reinforcement on changing behavior.

I found that punishment definitely has its place; however, not in relationships!

Too often we try to change our spouse’s behavior through complaining and nagging, which normally does not work. Research studies find that positive reinforcement, such as complimenting your spouse for doing what is right, instead of punishing him or her for doing what is wrong, is much more effective in producing change.

The Bible says:

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.” (2 Corinthians 10:4)

If you want your spouse to change, try changing your approach:

• Express appreciation - Let your spouse know how much you appreciate him or her.
  

• Reinforce and affirm appropriate behavior - Let your spouse know how thankful you are for the things that they do, such as taking care of the family, working hard every day, washing the dishes, etc. Say thank you!

Change your perspective - Focus on the positive qualities of your spouse instead of the negative. It is so easy to take our spouses for granted and only look at what they lack according to our expectations, which are usually unfair and unrealistic!

• Speak Life - “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21) Watch what comes out of your mouth! The words that you sow, you will reap.

One last nugget: One of the best predictors of a successful relationship is when the positives outweigh the negatives.
Denise